chief-thracian@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
wrote:
> P E I (a parable for the 21st century)
>
> Smoking excellent bud here...rewarded by a remarkable vision,
> unfolding now as I write:
>
> This is going to be an INCREDIBLE holiday season for ALL ***ual
> minorities WORLDWIDE. A sweeping VICTORY will be nothing short of
> BREATHtaking to every sentient species that exists, did exist, and
> ever WILL exist in the entire UNIVERSE!
>
> I ask my angels what, specifically, will occur? But they don't say
> NUTTIN to me...just shake their darling heads in pity, keep their
> gorgeous DUDE mouths tightly sealed. (Oh! I want to touch each angel's
> tongue with my own. How they tease me, nasty cherubs! They're all GAY
> ya know, and male.)
>
> A circle of admoni****ng seraphim fingers: "No, Zeke, we most CERTAINLY
> can't tell you THAT!" A circle in which I'm the bullseye. And here
> comes Cupid's Arrow (or, more apt: The Caduceous Of Apollo).
>
> What the angels won't tell, I imagine...at least SEVERAL
> possibilities, such as:
>
> - The Pope suddenly denounces all homophobes, and promotes gay rights
> VIGOROUSLY, scowling at and condemning anyone to hell, who is shown by
> The Holy Ghost to be in any way, shape, or form, the LEAST bit
> prejudiced against queers. The cardinals decide he suffered an
> aneurism, and surreptiously poison his espresso every morning until he
> finally p***** away five months later, right when the clock strikes
> midnight and Lammas begins!
>
> - Inspired by my Final Testament (or Faggot Bible) website, Islam's
> highest emus...er, imams, apologize to the world for their sins
> against gays, and become a global peace force dedicated to the
> protection and salvation of ALL queers, everywhere, naming themselves
> "The Blue Rose Militia." They first attack and defeat the United
> States, converting every single citizen (down to the very LEAST of
> them, which are fetuses) to 100% homo***ual status. The destiny above
> this one gets swept up, too.
>
> - Gay women and men everywhere on the planet, suddenly have this
> miraculous power to heal anyone from anything, no matter how
> horrendous. Got cancer? Sure, I can heal that! Coronary Thrombosis?
> Piece o' cake! Parkinson's Disease? A walk in the park! Alzheimer's?
> Well here, lemme-jus see first if you're hetero or not...[ snap ]!
> Lupis? Hmmm, inherited werewolf genes...a piss in the bush! Just lock
> yourself up every full moon and call me in the morning! Bring 'em back
> to life? Sure, we do resurrections, but it's gonna cost! AIDS? Waddya
> kiddin' me? You must be verklempt! Of COURSE we have gays. We have all
> the gays you WANT in heaven. We got black gays, we got white gays. We
> got red gays, we got yellow, we got ALL colors and sizes to meet your
> every wish! We got gays who are tops, gays who are bottoms, gays who
> like it ANY which-way! We got gays for days, and gays amaze! (Shall I
> rephrase?) We got gays forever and ever and ever, and we even got gays
> for inclement weather! We got gays in the back seat, gays in the
> front...gays in the factories, and gays that are ****s! We have gays
> up your anus, and gays down your throat...gays who will put out, for
> the price of a boat (and a castle or two, surrounded by moat)! We got
> gays in the hallway, gays in mid-flight, gays in the daytime, and gays
> after night. We got gays in your trailer, gays in a tent...gays so
> damn cute, they don't have to pay rent! We got gays in the water, gays
> in the sky...but not in your daughter, I don't wonder why. Gays on the
> TV, gays on the floor...gays who don't need me, and gays who want
> more! We got gays at the movies, gays at the store...gays who go
> bankrupt, and turn into whores. We got gays on the masthead, gays on
> the crown, gays in the rec room, gays on the town. We got gays in the
> classroom, and gays up in space...gays who are pretty, and gays with
> no face. Gays who do prep work, gays who mow lawns...gays who steal
> doorknobs and those we adore. Gays who eat halvah, gays who eat
> steak...and gays who eat blowfish, oh give me a break! We have
>
> Oh...did you say AIDS? Never mind!
>
> ALL destinies above this one get swept up, too.
>
> - Destiny sweeps me up, and I ascend to global reknown as the FINEST
> gay activist, philosopher, healer, companion, iconoclast and Futurama
> fan EVER. I am decorated with many medals by every nation on earth,
> including the newest: world's first gay nation of "Athenia", formerly
> northern California. Of which I am co-president along with my long-
> lost-soulmate-but-suddenly-found-after-more-than-15-years-MIA Vietnam
> Veteran, Gay Activist, handsomest man on the planet by light years,
> and all-around GREATEST good buddy in the universe: Randolph Louis
> (chipmunk) Taylor. I order a marijuana pizza w/pineapple, extra cheese
> and fresh basil, from the comfort of my waterbed. ALL destinies above
> this one get swept up, too.
>
> - Destiny sweeps me up, and I suddenly inherit the northern tip of
> Scotland and ALL its islands, thanks to an ancient sorceror's bloody
> compact between the Iberian celts and the Brits. My gay writing
> becomes published and distributed throughout the planet, and my gay
> rights button-and-decal designs manufactured everywhere, even on T-
> ****rts, coffee mugs, keychains, major air****t concreted runways, and
> boxer briefs! I become the wealthiest man on the planet, and can do
> whatever the friggin heck I want! So I declare myself dictator of all
> the land, all the sea, all the air, and even of all the heavens
> beyond. Thus begins the incredible (and true) Parable of Big Gay
> Brother! Welcome to Brave New ZEKE'S World!. ALL destinies above this
> one get swept up, too.
>
> - Destiny sweeps me up, and my Mighty Mouse Virus that I released in
> 2002, is a bold and daring success! This virus is dedicated to Gay
> Emancipation, and will take over all intelligent technological systems
> on the planet...in other words: "computer chips!" MMV (Mighty Mouse
> Virus) is also FIRST dedicated to my own happiness, safety, and ***
> life as THE most im****tant activist living, in our global-wise gay
> community. Lose me, and you lose everything! I am indefatigably
> indiSPENSiboo-bobble-lo-bobble-loo--BOO! The US and other governments
> attempt to sabotage MMV by distributing their OWN bleeding-edge AI
> virus, but fail miserably, and go down in shame as "mmv"...all
> lowercase meaning "mickey mouse virus." ALL destinies above this one
> get swept up, too.
>
> - Destiny sweeps me up: the whole gay community wakes up to my
> greatness, and provides me with my own NICE home w/tons of FABULOUS
> boyfriends and occasional Rental Dudes, my own office in downtown
> Berkeley, and a castle in Wales, plus the Isle of Man, because I
> wor****p Mannanan Mac Lir, the god of The Irish Sea. He protects the
> coastline of not just Ireland, but the ENTIRE British Isles (and the
> many islands surrounding her like a Wreath Of Glory), by riding along
> the shores up and down, east and west, with his armored steed Enbarr,
> racing over the waves, leaving sea foam in the wake of its flinty
> hooves! Hmmm...Christians wor****p a MAN who walks on water, but we
> Celts have a magical HORSE that does! Reminds me of the joke I heard
> years ago, of a Native American medicine man who just learned that
> white man put one of their own on the moon. "What's the big deal?" The
> handsome warrior brave wags his lowered head in pity, glossy-tight
> ribboned braids cascading over those noble shoulders and valient chest
> that languidly swells and flattens like the cool marble of the Statue
> of David suddenly come to life, takes his first breath in your arms!
> "I go there every night" he finishes, kissing you with great passion,
> all over your neck and face: the wild impulse of a red beast unsullied
> by white man's ways...something not even a handsome buck on the ol'
> homestead could satisfy! ALL destinies above this one get swept up,
> too.
>
> - AIDS mutates into a RABIDLY pro-queer virus that ravages the bodies
> and minds ONLY of those who harbor homophobic notions. In the short
> span of less than three years, all breeders have been eliminated from
> earth, leaving only us LGBT&Q's behind. Angels descend from their
> UFO's (Unidentified FLAMBOYANT Objects, mind you) to assist GayKind in
> building a Better World...a world in which ZEKE rules. Zeke jacks off
> every time he thinks about the day he wrested ALL media networks, and
> took over the planet! ALL destinies above this one get swept up, too.
>
> - Destiny sweeps me up. It's the Intergalactic Sanitation Engineer
> Robot #1763-ASD-01 (v. 3.4) come to wipe away all useless and annoying
> debris from planet earth. ALL destinies above this one get swept up,
> too.
>
> - All of the above, and so much more.
>
> Well, we'll simply have to wait and see. But my ADORABLE guardian
> angels (12 total, with ditzy RANDOLPH in command) are EMPHATIC that
> this breakthrough will be EXTRAORDINARY, and mesmerize the entire
> world! And it will be very VERY good for all homo***uals and their
> allies.
>
> Maybe I'll have a home on Prince Edward Island!
>
> --
> Zeke Krahlin
> www.gay-bible.org
>
I'm not a homophobe, but I am a TYPES IN CAPSphobe.
It reminds me too much of Chick Comics or those fliers handed out by
raving Christian lunatics on street corners.
--
barb
Chaplain, ARSCCwdne
buy my book!
http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=1198812
read my page! (thanks, R. Hill!)
http://www.xenu-directory.net/critics/graham1.html
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